It was about a year ago when I was visiting family
in the Los Angeles area when my 5 year old cousin Taylor made a remark that embarrassed
just about everyone in the store. There was a man who appeared to be a woman.
The man had a very long hair weave but he had a full beard and carried himself
very feminine. Out of nowhere Taylor said “Why she.. I mean He... why
he wearing that long hair like a girl?” By age 3 or 4, children’s comments and
interactions reveal the influence of family and societal attitudes about gender
behavior, coupled with children’s own developing attempts at understanding the
world (Klein et al. 2007). Before I knew it, Taylor's mother had grabbed her by the hand and pulled her closer to her. She also apologized for the
remark that her daughter had said. The man was totally fine and seemed to not be
offended by the remark. He said “Oh hunny it’s no problem, she’s fine”.
The response of the Taylor's mother may have made Taylor
afraid to speak or share her concerns regarding the gender differences in others.
Her mother’s response may have even sent the message that it’s not ok to ask
questions regarding someone’s gender. Numerous messages could have run through
Taylor's mind as she was silenced after her response.
As an anti-bias educator I could have intervened and
explained to Taylor that it’s ok to wonder and ask questions about how an individual
may look but it’s not ok to verbally hurt others feelings in the process. I
would have then explained to Taylor that there are individuals who choose to
dress, speak, or even act differently than we may think that they should, but
we must remember that they are people who still need to be respected as a person.
The early learning of respect for oneself and for others lays a healthy foundation
for all (Derman-Sparks & Edwards, 2010). If I were in a classroom setting,
I would share pictures or posters of different gender and family lifestyles. I
would show the children the many different types of people and individuals that
make up a family. I would have an open discussion or role play regarding gender
identity and fairness. Look for opportunities to initiate interactions that
offer children accurate information and let them try out their ideas about the
differences between being male or female and acting like a boy or a girl
(Derman-Sparks & Edwards, 2010). I
would like to see where the children’s minds are regarding the topic.
Children question what they do not understand, and providing them with accurate and appropriate information will help them gain understanding. This is important since attitudes regarding gender are influenced early around age 3 or 4.
ReplyDeleteGood post, Coti, your ideas about showing the kids how different people and individuals are was very good. Kids learn by watching adults and the things they do and say, therefore it is very important that we set a good example for them to follow and pay attention to what we are saying and doing when we are around them.
ReplyDeleteI agree that seeing where children's minds are is a great thing. Children are brutally honest, which can be unfortunate at times. Part of what makes children so great is their ability to speak their mind. I think it important to teach children that it is good to ask questions like Taylor did but teach them how and when to ask the questions. It is great when children are curious and you can help them learn but it can also be embarrassing to those around them if done at an inappropriate time.
ReplyDeleteCotati,
ReplyDeleteI understand your point of view but I can see how embarrassing it could be for the parent at the same time because they feel at fault for what their child has said. I hope that Taylor was given an explanation later about how it is okay to wonder but ask in a more personal setting so no one gets their feelings hurt. I think it is great that the man reacted the way he did. Hopefully this helped the situation.
Thanks for sharing!
Caitlin
Great story! I have encountered a similar situation with my own child. We have a close family friend who is male, but dresses like a female, so my daughter assumed that he was a she and even though we call him by his name, Anthony, if I ever referred to him as he, my daughter would correct me and say "Mommy, Anthony is a girl". For awhile I did not confront that situation and did not respond when she would say that. One day I decided to explain the situation to her as simply as I could by saying "Tia, Anthony is a boy, he just likes to dress like a girl." she seemed happy with this answer and has not asked me any other questions about it.
ReplyDeleteChildren speak their minds and at the same time expose what they have learned about "proper" behavior for certain genders. Girls play with dolls and boys with trucks etc. Children are not trying to be rude, they are trying to find a way to understand when they are confused. Great post
ReplyDeleteI think that differences between the characteristics of boys and girls such as length of hair can be particularly challenging for children because it is something that for them must be very "balck and white
ReplyDelete. If someone has long hair they associate them with being a girl. If they have very short hair they associate them as a boy. Because the child identifies their own sex in this way it can be difficult for them to accept things like boys with long hair because they have been taught in our society boys do not have long hair. It is something to think about when incorporating diverse pictures in the classroom environment.